I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
