I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
