she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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