Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
