You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
