And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
