i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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