My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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