The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
