can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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