I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
