Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize