im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My vagina is very pro this idea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
