We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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