yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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