Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That accounts for only three of the penises
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
