I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
