My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize