a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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