life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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