remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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