1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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