Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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