ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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