The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Alive.
So much puke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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