This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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