Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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