I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
