I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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