The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
