And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize