kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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