I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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