My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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