I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize