I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
