I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
