i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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