I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
