we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
