Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
