guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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