Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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