captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
