Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
