The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
