My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
