Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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