i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
