That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
