Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
