and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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