Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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