I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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