you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
love makes seman taste better
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
