he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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