you would pick up someone in the library
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
