I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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