Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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