First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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