i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
