You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You ate ashes out of my bong
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
