why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
