Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
