I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
