did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
