what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
