Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
