her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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