neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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