I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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