we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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