I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she woke up with a sticky ear
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
