Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
