You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
