everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
