he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
