just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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