and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
