so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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