Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
